The Earl of Carob…where to begin?
The Earl is a piteous man. A weak man. A disturbed man.
I realize the Imperial Throne of Chocland is the pinnacle of perfection, and many will fritter away their idle hours imagining themselves seated upon its cocoa-dusted cushions…but never has a subject desired, nay, COVETED the seat as bitterly as the Earl of Carob.
His bizarre line of ersatz chocolate products and reams of false promises claiming to simulate the flavor of Chocolate (in some cases, against all reason, claiming SUPERIORITY over chocolate! The audacity!) seems never to reach an end.
Treason of this nature is considered a crime of the highest order in the Dessert Realms, and would be strictly enforced (indeed Our advisors have counseled Us to punish the Earl most severely) were it not for the pathetic nature of these sad, tired crimes and the hopelessness of their delusional architect.
To think that lowly carob could ever replace the Divine Luxury of The True Chocolate, well, that’s just…embarrassing.
And so, once more, pity stays Our Royal Hand. The executioner returns to his dungeon, or wherever it is he sleeps*, and the Earl of Carob yet lives.
We forgive, as is our duty…
But We shall not forget.
*(Some kind of barracks, maybe?)